Prayer, Faith, and Parenting: Finding Hope and Strength with Rudy Chavarria

1 00:00:01,160 --> 00:00:02,290 Mr Jesse L Hammonds: Welcome to the healthy, wealthy, 2 00:00:02,290 --> 00:00:03,790 and wise podcast with Dr. 3 00:00:03,790 --> 00:00:04,399 William T. 4 00:00:04,399 --> 00:00:05,090 Choctaw, MD, 5 00:00:05,149 --> 00:00:07,180 Dr. William T Choctaw: JD, where the doctor 6 00:00:07,180 --> 00:00:10,199 Mr Jesse L Hammonds: helps you unlock your full potential by equipping you 7 00:00:10,220 --> 00:00:15,309 with tools and knowledge in the areas of health, wealth, and wisdom anchored in 8 00:00:15,310 --> 00:00:19,700 his experience as a business executive, a physician, the surveyor for the joint 9 00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:25,340 commission, a former mayor, and over 50 years of experience as a general surgeon, 10 00:00:25,770 --> 00:00:27,970 you've got questions, he's got answers. 11 00:00:28,380 --> 00:00:29,270 So let's get started. 12 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:30,520 Dr. 13 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:31,070 William T. 14 00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:32,150 Choctaw, M. 15 00:00:32,150 --> 00:00:33,060 Dr. William T Choctaw: D., J. 16 00:00:33,060 --> 00:00:33,500 D. 17 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:37,860 Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, again to the Health, Wealth Wise podcast. 18 00:00:37,900 --> 00:00:42,340 We're absolutely delighted, absolutely delighted to have a 19 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,959 very special guest with us, Mr. 20 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,140 Rudy Chavarria. 21 00:00:46,809 --> 00:00:51,980 Mr Rudy: You, you, you, you brought up a key point in your life that, you know, 22 00:00:51,980 --> 00:00:56,699 was the aha moment that you, you know, you had said that you weren't walking 23 00:00:56,699 --> 00:01:01,209 the walk, you, you knew at that point you needed to start getting good grades. 24 00:01:01,945 --> 00:01:05,655 And I'm going to bring that into another thing of, of young, of 25 00:01:05,655 --> 00:01:10,255 young parents or parenting or in general is what do they call them? 26 00:01:10,475 --> 00:01:13,774 Bulldozer parents helicopter parents. 27 00:01:14,445 --> 00:01:19,035 And you brought up a, that you were in your second foster home, you were angry. 28 00:01:20,175 --> 00:01:24,725 So my point is, is to not let your, do not shelter your child. 29 00:01:25,735 --> 00:01:29,185 Because the more you shelter your child in your own words, we don't want them to 30 00:01:29,185 --> 00:01:30,905 be embarrassed by all the other students. 31 00:01:31,435 --> 00:01:36,235 But by, by that type of interaction where, and I believe this, that 32 00:01:36,385 --> 00:01:39,535 seeing our son grow up, that yeah, he needs to be embarrassed. 33 00:01:40,195 --> 00:01:43,435 He was in piano lesson yesterday, and the piano lesson teacher 34 00:01:43,435 --> 00:01:49,885 actually, she, Russian, really, you know, and she, she laid into him. 35 00:01:50,115 --> 00:01:50,315 Huh. 36 00:01:50,575 --> 00:01:53,505 And and I, and my wife's like, oh, she got mad, and I'm like, good. 37 00:01:53,790 --> 00:01:59,650 Let her get mad at him for mommy and daddy in the world. 38 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:05,600 And so I think, again, can you, can you maybe run with that? 39 00:02:05,770 --> 00:02:09,300 What I'm saying is that you needed to be embarrassed. 40 00:02:10,110 --> 00:02:13,300 As opposed to another parent who shelters you. 41 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,700 Who is sheltered? 42 00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:17,060 Can you elaborate maybe on that? 43 00:02:18,110 --> 00:02:18,710 Dr. William T Choctaw: Absolutely. 44 00:02:18,710 --> 00:02:22,970 I can tell you what my philosophy was when my kids were young. 45 00:02:23,370 --> 00:02:26,970 And say in middle school and just coming up. 46 00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:29,860 I had the opportunity to put them in private school. 47 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,880 Where they would wear, and there's nothing wrong with private school, where they 48 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,650 would wear the uniform and blah blah blah. 49 00:02:35,765 --> 00:02:40,425 But my philosophy was, you know, I, I went to public school and I felt 50 00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:44,834 rightfully or wrongly, but I felt it was important that they be I'm 51 00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:49,494 accustomed to living in the real world, you know, real world with real people. 52 00:02:49,664 --> 00:02:53,114 And that's not always easy, you know, and everybody doesn't understand 53 00:02:53,114 --> 00:02:56,094 you and everybody's not like you and they don't look like you and act like 54 00:02:56,094 --> 00:02:57,784 you or whatever, but that's life. 55 00:02:57,844 --> 00:03:03,714 And so I felt that it was important that, that they learn life early, 56 00:03:03,864 --> 00:03:06,934 that as a parent, I would be there to help them, you know, when they got 57 00:03:06,934 --> 00:03:09,744 off track or, or got hurt or whatever. 58 00:03:09,744 --> 00:03:13,634 So no, they'll know this, this means that to help to interpret it for me, for them. 59 00:03:13,914 --> 00:03:18,284 But, but for them to experience it because they will learn, you know, all kids I 60 00:03:18,304 --> 00:03:20,474 think are inherently smart and they adapt. 61 00:03:20,474 --> 00:03:21,404 I mean, that's life. 62 00:03:21,424 --> 00:03:22,864 That's how kids learn how to walk. 63 00:03:22,894 --> 00:03:26,094 They, they get up and they wobble a little bit and then they fall and they 64 00:03:26,094 --> 00:03:28,994 get up and they wobble a little bit more and they fall and then pretty soon 65 00:03:29,014 --> 00:03:30,674 they don't wobble as much, you know. 66 00:03:30,934 --> 00:03:34,324 So, I think the brain is pretty similar to that, you know and this 67 00:03:34,324 --> 00:03:38,534 is all like in that pre quartal The frontal part of the brain, the, the 68 00:03:38,534 --> 00:03:42,874 emotion part of the brain, the amygdala is, is also the same thing that our 69 00:03:42,924 --> 00:03:44,904 emotions have to develop and grow. 70 00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:50,904 Disappointment, anger, sadness, happiness, all of those things have to grow also. 71 00:03:51,224 --> 00:03:54,694 And it's really important in the sense that they're at different 72 00:03:54,694 --> 00:03:56,364 stages at different ages. 73 00:03:56,659 --> 00:04:00,839 That a 15, a 10 year old is not going to understand like an 18 74 00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,529 year old or 17 year old what to do. 75 00:04:02,559 --> 00:04:06,209 They're 10 years old and their brain is not just there and they're going to 76 00:04:06,209 --> 00:04:10,719 make some silly mistakes that, you know, maybe that 14 year old wouldn't make 77 00:04:10,899 --> 00:04:12,559 because they aren't 14 years of age. 78 00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:17,569 And so we parents have to be patient, if you will, we can still be protected. 79 00:04:17,599 --> 00:04:22,649 We can still be supportive and we, and most importantly is loving, you know, and 80 00:04:22,649 --> 00:04:27,049 if I had to summarize it, not to sound too too basic, but, but it really is 81 00:04:27,049 --> 00:04:31,339 a matter of love, you know, I love you and it's okay, you know, and, and we, 82 00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:35,959 we will get through this and blah, blah, blah, because as long as the child knows 83 00:04:35,959 --> 00:04:40,439 that they have that security blanket, if you will, then, then there'll be okay. 84 00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:45,044 I, I once, I remember one time One, one of one of my grandkids when they were 85 00:04:45,044 --> 00:04:49,164 born, and, and Lorena, my wife and I, we were so concerned about this and 86 00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:52,614 that and whatever, whatever, and said, oh, is, is she talking soon enough? 87 00:04:52,614 --> 00:04:53,514 Or whatever, whatever. 88 00:04:53,519 --> 00:04:58,164 We, typical grandparents, and we talked to one of our daughter-in-laws who was 89 00:04:58,164 --> 00:05:03,024 actually in child education, and, and I never forget what she said, she said. 90 00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:09,759 Every, every child, if there's one stable adult in that child's life, doesn't 91 00:05:09,759 --> 00:05:12,429 matter who it is, that child will be okay. 92 00:05:12,589 --> 00:05:16,469 And I never forgot that it could be parent, grandparent, uncle, aunt, 93 00:05:16,569 --> 00:05:20,379 I don't know, next door neighbor, whatever, teacher, one stable adult. 94 00:05:20,769 --> 00:05:24,639 And, and, and so what she did was she sort of made us feel better 95 00:05:24,639 --> 00:05:29,959 about the anxiety of, of parenting, you know, grandparenting in this, 96 00:05:29,979 --> 00:05:32,359 in this case that the kids do okay. 97 00:05:32,604 --> 00:05:36,624 They really do okay, that God has a plan, and he sort of worked all 98 00:05:36,624 --> 00:05:40,714 that stuff out, and all we need to do is just be supportive and loving, 99 00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,814 and the kids will basically be okay. 100 00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:47,954 Mr Rudy: You know, you bring up a good point, and that, that is that children 101 00:05:48,844 --> 00:05:53,964 have to be told, as opposed to when a teenager or somebody who just gets to 102 00:05:53,964 --> 00:05:56,854 college, they don't have to be told. 103 00:05:57,659 --> 00:06:03,379 And, and I, I, when I, when my wife and I are disciplining our son, 104 00:06:03,389 --> 00:06:08,859 sometimes I say in this situation, he has to be told how to think. 105 00:06:09,239 --> 00:06:11,699 He has to be told how to feel. 106 00:06:11,919 --> 00:06:12,139 Yes. 107 00:06:12,759 --> 00:06:13,359 He doesn't 108 00:06:13,369 --> 00:06:14,009 Dr. William T Choctaw: know. 109 00:06:14,009 --> 00:06:14,439 It's new. 110 00:06:14,589 --> 00:06:15,479 It's new for him. 111 00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:16,354 Mr Rudy: It's new for him. 112 00:06:17,084 --> 00:06:20,924 And, and so when you said we have to learn how to be patient, I'm, we're 113 00:06:20,924 --> 00:06:26,214 always praying for patience because we think we're taught, and I've told my 114 00:06:26,214 --> 00:06:30,914 wife too, and I tell her, remind me if I'm doing this, say you talk to him like 115 00:06:30,914 --> 00:06:33,514 he's an adult or I'm like, yes, I do. 116 00:06:34,384 --> 00:06:37,644 Because he needs to, he's learning now to understand things. 117 00:06:37,644 --> 00:06:44,404 And so when he does things like an award or does something around the house 118 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,004 or, and I always say to him, good man. 119 00:06:46,589 --> 00:06:46,959 Yes, 120 00:06:47,389 --> 00:06:48,269 Dr. William T Choctaw: yes, that's good. 121 00:06:48,289 --> 00:06:48,489 That's 122 00:06:48,489 --> 00:06:48,969 Mr Rudy: important. 123 00:06:48,989 --> 00:06:51,029 Don't say good boy, right? 124 00:06:51,109 --> 00:06:53,629 Well, I will, but but for the most part, say good man. 125 00:06:54,224 --> 00:06:56,064 And when he asked me something, I said, yes, sir. 126 00:06:56,474 --> 00:06:59,134 What do you, what do you, he said, no, yes, 127 00:06:59,134 --> 00:06:59,374 Dr. William T Choctaw: sir. 128 00:07:00,474 --> 00:07:05,724 One of the things I learned along those lines that it's important for me when 129 00:07:05,724 --> 00:07:11,534 I make a mistake as a parent, when I screw up to apologize to my kid. 130 00:07:11,734 --> 00:07:14,124 And this is, and I'm thinking, I'll make this real quick. 131 00:07:14,124 --> 00:07:17,404 I I, we go to church, and I would have a thing many years 132 00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,664 ago when my kids were teenagers. 133 00:07:19,949 --> 00:07:22,939 The boys about, you know, you wear church clothes, you wear 134 00:07:22,939 --> 00:07:24,359 a tie and whatever, whatever. 135 00:07:24,619 --> 00:07:27,199 Well, they just felt wearing a tie to church was silly. 136 00:07:27,429 --> 00:07:29,759 They said, you know, I'm, I'm neat and I'm clean. 137 00:07:29,759 --> 00:07:31,009 And why do I have to wear a tie? 138 00:07:31,049 --> 00:07:35,599 Well, you know, we wore ties back in the, in the fifties and the sixties when I was 139 00:07:35,799 --> 00:07:38,269 in Nashville, but I'm in California now. 140 00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,399 And so I went on and on and on. 141 00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:46,289 And then at some point, thank God, the light bulb came on and it said, you know, 142 00:07:46,439 --> 00:07:48,229 what's the most important thing here? 143 00:07:48,539 --> 00:07:51,479 Is it that they were a tie or that they go to church? 144 00:07:52,029 --> 00:07:55,459 So I said, okay, it's probably that they go to church. 145 00:07:55,719 --> 00:07:59,709 So I, I, I intentionally went back to them and apologized. 146 00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:05,734 I apologize, and I'm sort of an authoritative type father, but I thought 147 00:08:05,734 --> 00:08:07,544 it important to apologize to them. 148 00:08:07,544 --> 00:08:10,954 Number one, to say, I can screw up too, number one. 149 00:08:11,134 --> 00:08:14,554 Number two, I respect you enough to say, you know what? 150 00:08:14,834 --> 00:08:16,094 Daddy made a mistake. 151 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,879 You know, shouldn't have done that. 152 00:08:17,879 --> 00:08:19,769 Shouldn't have said that whatever the words are. 153 00:08:20,239 --> 00:08:24,479 And, and I think that's another way of showing love that, that perfection 154 00:08:24,479 --> 00:08:26,419 is not a requirement in life. 155 00:08:26,779 --> 00:08:28,009 None of us is perfect. 156 00:08:28,539 --> 00:08:31,639 And, and so I know you're going to make mistakes and you're 157 00:08:31,639 --> 00:08:32,609 going to stumble and fall. 158 00:08:32,619 --> 00:08:35,529 That's why your dad is here and your mom are here because we're 159 00:08:35,529 --> 00:08:36,899 going to pick you up and help you. 160 00:08:37,229 --> 00:08:40,839 But when we, we make mistakes too, and that's okay. 161 00:08:40,869 --> 00:08:42,599 You, you, you get past that. 162 00:08:42,879 --> 00:08:44,529 And so I, that was an aha moment. 163 00:08:44,619 --> 00:08:45,649 for me as a parent. 164 00:08:46,149 --> 00:08:51,159 Mr Rudy: Yeah you know, I just had a moment where as a parent where 165 00:08:51,159 --> 00:08:53,089 my son actually got mad at me. 166 00:08:54,099 --> 00:09:00,779 Called me cruel because of the new puppy and he had, he had peed 167 00:09:00,779 --> 00:09:02,319 in the house for the third time. 168 00:09:02,699 --> 00:09:03,159 Okay. 169 00:09:06,719 --> 00:09:08,509 Dr. William T Choctaw: I can imagine what that's like. 170 00:09:10,199 --> 00:09:16,329 Mr Rudy: I'm like, give me my anger, go away. 171 00:09:19,479 --> 00:09:24,104 And so So what happened in this particular incident, and I'll get to the point where 172 00:09:24,104 --> 00:09:30,414 he, he literally stood up and he yelled at me and he said, you're a cruel person. 173 00:09:31,014 --> 00:09:31,604 Yes. 174 00:09:31,664 --> 00:09:34,654 And, and it was because I picked up the dog. 175 00:09:35,174 --> 00:09:38,774 And then I, I put him out in the garage and then I got some 176 00:09:39,114 --> 00:09:40,514 getting all the towels ready. 177 00:09:42,264 --> 00:09:45,084 And our son was sitting on the couch and we have been going 178 00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,144 through this phase where we ask him. 179 00:09:47,944 --> 00:09:50,234 Phoenix turn the TV off, it's time to start your homework. 180 00:09:50,464 --> 00:09:51,524 Okay, just a minute. 181 00:09:52,544 --> 00:09:52,834 Right. 182 00:09:53,234 --> 00:09:54,314 Just a minute, face. 183 00:09:54,674 --> 00:09:56,284 And then so I'm cleaning up. 184 00:09:56,894 --> 00:10:01,714 I open the door to go let, throw away the, the paper towels that are wet. 185 00:10:02,354 --> 00:10:06,304 And when I open the door, the, the dog, he's a dog town, which is the small 186 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:07,754 mini wiener dogs with a lot of hair. 187 00:10:08,324 --> 00:10:09,064 Yes, yes. 188 00:10:09,244 --> 00:10:11,504 The door hits him on the nose and the dog yelped. 189 00:10:12,734 --> 00:10:15,194 And, and of course, I didn't mean to do that. 190 00:10:15,654 --> 00:10:19,474 And so when I come back, I pick him up, I come back in, and that's when I walk 191 00:10:19,474 --> 00:10:23,574 into the living room and Phoenix stands up and he says, you, and he takes these 192 00:10:23,574 --> 00:10:29,814 papers and he's ripping them are a cruel human being and he throws the pillows. 193 00:10:30,224 --> 00:10:32,284 And I'm standing there, and I'm in shock. 194 00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:34,644 How old is he? 195 00:10:34,944 --> 00:10:35,734 How old is he? 196 00:10:35,734 --> 00:10:39,074 He just turned eight in November, and my wife is standing there in shock. 197 00:10:39,804 --> 00:10:44,244 And I'm like, Oh my God, take me now, Lord. 198 00:10:44,245 --> 00:10:45,514 I'm a horrible man. 199 00:10:45,515 --> 00:10:49,264 Meanwhile, the dog's licking my arms. 200 00:10:50,694 --> 00:10:52,014 The dog has forgiven you. 201 00:10:52,834 --> 00:10:57,424 And I stood there for a second, and I had to finally get my composure. 202 00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,359 And then I said Wait a minute. 203 00:11:00,309 --> 00:11:01,689 I said, hold on. 204 00:11:02,419 --> 00:11:08,729 I said, first of all, I did not hurt, his name is Bruno, I did not hurt Bruno. 205 00:11:08,799 --> 00:11:12,699 The door, when it opened, it hit him in the nose and that's what you heard. 206 00:11:13,259 --> 00:11:17,639 And I said, and secondly, and I totally felt like I was talking to an adult. 207 00:11:18,349 --> 00:11:26,129 And I said, and secondly, may I remind you that I asked you to turn off the TV and 208 00:11:27,389 --> 00:11:31,309 Bruno was walking back and forth to one door, to the other door to get let out. 209 00:11:31,709 --> 00:11:32,149 Right. 210 00:11:32,439 --> 00:11:35,699 I said, and at the time I told him, let me lay down for five minutes. 211 00:11:35,699 --> 00:11:37,889 I just need to close my for five minutes before we start our 212 00:11:37,889 --> 00:11:40,199 homework and, and, or, or something. 213 00:11:40,639 --> 00:11:43,989 And I'm, and I'm meanwhile, I'm still holding Bruno and I said, and 214 00:11:43,989 --> 00:11:47,709 you saw Bruno going back and forth. 215 00:11:48,039 --> 00:11:51,629 You acknowledged him going back and forth, but you sat there on the 216 00:11:51,629 --> 00:11:54,289 couch and you watched your TV show. 217 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:57,169 And I said, you could have easily. 218 00:11:57,564 --> 00:12:04,354 I've been responsible to hit pause, get off the couch, go let Bruno out, and 219 00:12:04,354 --> 00:12:06,744 then I wouldn't be cleaning up his pee. 220 00:12:07,414 --> 00:12:07,634 Right. 221 00:12:07,834 --> 00:12:11,804 So I accept the fact that you're getting mad at me, but you also have 222 00:12:11,804 --> 00:12:13,434 to accept the fact that you were partly 223 00:12:13,434 --> 00:12:14,264 Dr. William T Choctaw: responsible for this. 224 00:12:14,344 --> 00:12:14,714 Right. 225 00:12:14,754 --> 00:12:16,074 He has some responsibility. 226 00:12:16,194 --> 00:12:16,544 Yeah. 227 00:12:16,574 --> 00:12:19,454 Mr Rudy: And I said, because you saw him wanting to go to the bathroom. 228 00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:22,799 And then he just stood there or just, you know. 229 00:12:23,079 --> 00:12:27,509 And I said, so you need to sit up and now you're going to go do your homework. 230 00:12:28,029 --> 00:12:30,459 And I, and my wife was like, how are you going to handle this guy? 231 00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:32,969 I could see that look in his face, like, oh my God, he 232 00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:34,299 called you a cruel human being. 233 00:12:34,889 --> 00:12:36,669 And then I felt better about myself. 234 00:12:36,669 --> 00:12:38,499 Like, okay, I'm not that bad. 235 00:12:38,689 --> 00:12:38,949 You 236 00:12:38,949 --> 00:12:39,889 Dr. William T Choctaw: held it together. 237 00:12:39,929 --> 00:12:40,939 You held it together. 238 00:12:41,749 --> 00:12:42,289 For the 239 00:12:42,289 --> 00:12:44,579 Mr Rudy: rest of the day, my stomach was a knot. 240 00:12:45,959 --> 00:12:48,599 I kept thinking about, my son called me a cool man. 241 00:12:49,549 --> 00:12:51,239 It's called parenting, that's okay. 242 00:12:51,239 --> 00:12:53,849 When I was 14, he calls me something else. 243 00:12:55,229 --> 00:12:57,819 But I want to, I want to ask you since we're talking about, Yes. 244 00:12:58,239 --> 00:13:02,189 And I had said children need to be told how to feel, need to be 245 00:13:02,289 --> 00:13:06,179 told what to think when they're children, so they can understand it. 246 00:13:06,399 --> 00:13:11,609 But I find that now college students, a lot of college students even feel the same 247 00:13:11,609 --> 00:13:16,019 way, or I get that vibe from them, except that they're older and they're in college. 248 00:13:16,319 --> 00:13:19,519 They don't know how to open up about it, but once you throw, throw out 249 00:13:19,519 --> 00:13:22,639 there on the table, like, okay, everybody, my cards are on the table. 250 00:13:23,794 --> 00:13:28,254 And I start telling the stories that everybody jumps in and do you, do 251 00:13:28,254 --> 00:13:32,194 you, do you agree that it's the same, it's the same type of approach that 252 00:13:32,194 --> 00:13:34,014 college students also need to be told? 253 00:13:34,594 --> 00:13:34,754 Well, 254 00:13:34,754 --> 00:13:37,534 Dr. William T Choctaw: you know, I think I would modify the be told. 255 00:13:37,534 --> 00:13:42,074 I think they need to be told initially, particularly when it's their first time. 256 00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:46,429 You know, and, and I think, I think like, like your son, he's never had 257 00:13:46,429 --> 00:13:48,319 a dog before that's peed on him. 258 00:13:48,599 --> 00:13:49,959 So this is a new experience for him. 259 00:13:49,979 --> 00:13:52,919 He's learned about that now, I guarantee you. 260 00:13:53,309 --> 00:13:56,629 So he doesn't, so he doesn't have to be told every time. 261 00:13:56,959 --> 00:14:00,979 So I think it's okay for them to be told initially, but then I think 262 00:14:00,979 --> 00:14:02,319 you want to have a discussion. 263 00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:03,239 Well, what do you think? 264 00:14:03,459 --> 00:14:06,899 Did, did, does that make sense what I just said to you or does not make, 265 00:14:07,089 --> 00:14:10,859 you want to engage them because you're trying to see where they are. 266 00:14:11,089 --> 00:14:11,399 And I. 267 00:14:11,479 --> 00:14:14,249 And I think a lot of times, if they're comfortable, they will engage. 268 00:14:14,249 --> 00:14:16,539 If they're not comfortable, they won't engage. 269 00:14:16,539 --> 00:14:21,689 But I think the goal is to ultimately get them to engage because what you want is 270 00:14:21,989 --> 00:14:26,369 for them to come up with the solutions themselves and not wait on mom or dad 271 00:14:26,369 --> 00:14:28,869 or teacher to tell them what to do. 272 00:14:29,109 --> 00:14:34,569 A lot of times, those students who, who get to college and don't know is they 273 00:14:34,859 --> 00:14:38,679 They really don't know because they've been told everything and they've never 274 00:14:38,679 --> 00:14:40,799 been given the opportunity to fail. 275 00:14:41,099 --> 00:14:44,079 They haven't been given the opportunity to try something and 276 00:14:44,079 --> 00:14:48,199 have it not work and then figure out what it means when it doesn't work. 277 00:14:48,469 --> 00:14:52,119 Or if they've made mistakes, they've been so brutalized that 278 00:14:52,119 --> 00:14:53,849 they say, I'll never try again. 279 00:14:53,849 --> 00:14:57,369 I'll just, I'll just stay back and follow the crowd and I'll 280 00:14:57,369 --> 00:14:58,909 just do what everybody else does. 281 00:14:58,909 --> 00:15:01,189 I'm not going to put myself out there and get hurt again. 282 00:15:01,489 --> 00:15:02,719 You, you want them. 283 00:15:02,909 --> 00:15:08,909 To blossom, you want them to take reasonable risk with things and not rely 284 00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,979 on anybody just telling them everything. 285 00:15:11,199 --> 00:15:14,799 But certainly you want to have a conversation, you know, but I would 286 00:15:14,799 --> 00:15:16,259 start off with what do you think? 287 00:15:16,479 --> 00:15:19,469 You know, I said this, does that make sense to you or you 288 00:15:19,479 --> 00:15:20,559 think that's a better way? 289 00:15:20,829 --> 00:15:25,609 So you're constantly trying to get them to tell you what they should do. 290 00:15:25,909 --> 00:15:27,089 And then pretty soon. 291 00:15:27,369 --> 00:15:29,909 You know, it gets to the point where you said, okay, I think 292 00:15:29,909 --> 00:15:31,029 they're, they're, they're ready. 293 00:15:31,029 --> 00:15:35,569 Now I can step back and it's like driving a car pretty soon. 294 00:15:35,589 --> 00:15:36,819 They, they get it right. 295 00:15:36,819 --> 00:15:41,189 And then they don't go from, you know, side, sidewalk to sidewalk type thing. 296 00:15:41,979 --> 00:15:42,709 That's the process. 297 00:15:42,929 --> 00:15:44,579 And every, everybody's different. 298 00:15:44,579 --> 00:15:45,689 And here's the other kicker. 299 00:15:45,949 --> 00:15:47,659 Boys are different from girls. 300 00:15:48,194 --> 00:15:49,914 Boys are different from girls. 301 00:15:50,224 --> 00:15:51,854 I say this all the time. 302 00:15:52,214 --> 00:15:56,204 In particular, one of my frustrations, and this is when I was practicing, 303 00:15:56,454 --> 00:16:00,274 is a patient would come in for whatever surgical reason, but 304 00:16:00,274 --> 00:16:01,434 they would just start talking. 305 00:16:01,814 --> 00:16:07,114 And they would talk about their son, who's in middle school, and the teacher 306 00:16:07,114 --> 00:16:10,314 can't control him because he's always talking and is this and is that. 307 00:16:10,604 --> 00:16:14,819 And the teacher said that he's, It's a hyperactive and whatever 308 00:16:14,819 --> 00:16:20,639 I hear that term, my ADHD and they want to put them on Ritalin. 309 00:16:20,669 --> 00:16:25,489 They want to put them on medication, and I give my basic speech about that. 310 00:16:25,489 --> 00:16:29,039 I said, number one, testosterone is different from estrogen. 311 00:16:29,459 --> 00:16:30,959 It's not like it's right or wrong. 312 00:16:30,969 --> 00:16:31,869 It's just different. 313 00:16:32,099 --> 00:16:34,419 You know, that whole was Mars, Venus thing. 314 00:16:34,429 --> 00:16:35,369 That is true. 315 00:16:35,859 --> 00:16:39,279 And it just means that you've got to use different skills. 316 00:16:39,829 --> 00:16:42,029 with boys than you're going to use with girls. 317 00:16:42,249 --> 00:16:46,889 We know that in, in elementary school, girls have many times can 318 00:16:46,889 --> 00:16:51,339 be much more advanced in terms of language and English and articulation 319 00:16:51,339 --> 00:16:52,779 and expressing themselves. 320 00:16:53,169 --> 00:16:55,969 Boys develop a little later sometimes with that. 321 00:16:56,289 --> 00:16:58,179 Girls may grow taller. 322 00:16:58,179 --> 00:16:59,349 Boars grow. 323 00:17:02,179 --> 00:17:06,829 So part of it is just recognizing that boys and girls are different and not 324 00:17:06,839 --> 00:17:09,219 try to put one into the other's thing. 325 00:17:10,109 --> 00:17:11,549 And there's this excellent literature. 326 00:17:11,919 --> 00:17:15,689 I'm one of those people and you mentioned AI or the computer. 327 00:17:15,879 --> 00:17:18,329 I'm one of those people who thinks parents should embrace AI. 328 00:17:19,689 --> 00:17:22,039 You don't have to be experts on it, but you need to learn it. 329 00:17:22,279 --> 00:17:23,529 You need to know what it can do. 330 00:17:23,904 --> 00:17:27,874 And, and those are basic AI types of questions that don't get into 331 00:17:28,244 --> 00:17:30,034 difficulty that you could ask. 332 00:17:30,314 --> 00:17:33,564 What's the difference between boys and girls at age nine? 333 00:17:33,934 --> 00:17:37,324 Yeah, I can tell you that because it's just basic facts, you know, has nothing to 334 00:17:37,324 --> 00:17:40,124 do with feelings or emotions or opinions. 335 00:17:40,994 --> 00:17:44,694 But they are different and, and, and recognize that difference. 336 00:17:45,884 --> 00:17:46,344 Got it. 337 00:17:48,144 --> 00:17:48,704 Mr Rudy: Wow. 338 00:17:48,874 --> 00:17:50,164 Yeah, that's yeah. 339 00:17:50,474 --> 00:17:51,334 And, and you know what? 340 00:17:51,534 --> 00:17:54,944 That's one of the things that when our son, who's our only 341 00:17:54,954 --> 00:18:00,534 child boy is hanging around his cousins, two cousins to our girls. 342 00:18:00,754 --> 00:18:00,844 Okay. 343 00:18:01,584 --> 00:18:06,924 I've been, I've been really trying to, and we're doing that now. 344 00:18:06,984 --> 00:18:09,544 We're making sure Phoenix goes around, hangs around with some 345 00:18:09,544 --> 00:18:10,934 of his friends that are boys. 346 00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:14,644 And unfortunately our son gravitates towards the bad boys. 347 00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:14,944 Huh. 348 00:18:14,944 --> 00:18:15,189 Huh. 349 00:18:15,190 --> 00:18:18,780 Now he's starting to realize that, okay, these boys get me into trouble. 350 00:18:19,570 --> 00:18:19,590 Huh. 351 00:18:19,590 --> 00:18:24,190 And so now we are, we as parents are now moving forward to have like 352 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,520 date nights we go to the movies with some of the boys and their parents. 353 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:27,960 Okay. 354 00:18:28,930 --> 00:18:31,440 And so yeah, we're, we're making that. 355 00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:33,000 That transition. 356 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:37,780 So this way, he's not just around because when he is around his cousins, 357 00:18:37,830 --> 00:18:38,810 his two cousins that are girls. 358 00:18:39,330 --> 00:18:42,080 Yes, he plays with them rough 359 00:18:44,830 --> 00:18:45,760 Dr. William T Choctaw: because he's a boy. 360 00:18:46,450 --> 00:18:49,240 Mr Rudy: Yeah, I say we have to get him around other boys. 361 00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:49,910 Right. 362 00:18:49,910 --> 00:18:52,840 If you start playing rough with him, hey, it's part of the territory, dude. 363 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:53,930 Don't complain. 364 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:54,380 You do that. 365 00:18:54,390 --> 00:18:55,040 Dr. William T Choctaw: Exactly. 366 00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:55,930 Exactly. 367 00:18:55,980 --> 00:18:56,670 Exactly. 368 00:18:57,850 --> 00:19:03,380 There is no easy answer to any of this, you know, and we all fumble our 369 00:19:03,380 --> 00:19:07,590 way through it, but the good news is, number one, God is in charge, and number 370 00:19:07,590 --> 00:19:10,170 two, most, most of the kids do well. 371 00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:14,260 I mean, in spite of the parents, you know, and in spite of us not knowing 372 00:19:14,260 --> 00:19:19,740 what to do or what to say and so forth, that always gives me, gives me hope that 373 00:19:19,980 --> 00:19:23,510 someone other than just the parents are in charge, you know, that the kids sort 374 00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:26,040 of find their way and that sort of thing. 375 00:19:26,110 --> 00:19:30,690 But it's a joy to be able to interreact with him, but our job is to protect 376 00:19:30,690 --> 00:19:33,400 and, and, and, and help them keep them 377 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:33,939 Mr Rudy: safe. 378 00:19:34,980 --> 00:19:40,930 And what we, how do you feel about that whole statement of, of, of prayer, you 379 00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:49,090 know being a major part of the family and even when, you know, it was like, because 380 00:19:49,090 --> 00:19:55,500 you keep bringing up God and that is a big part of having a successful child. 381 00:19:57,405 --> 00:20:00,905 Dr. William T Choctaw: It was certainly, and I can only speak about myself, it was 382 00:20:00,905 --> 00:20:02,525 certainly an important part of my life. 383 00:20:03,055 --> 00:20:06,935 You know, now I, you know, I, I was, I mentioned about the foster 384 00:20:06,935 --> 00:20:11,065 homes and that's, that's another whole different issue, but I was in. 385 00:20:11,890 --> 00:20:15,680 about three foster homes before I ended up, before I entered college 386 00:20:16,030 --> 00:20:19,660 and each one was a challenge for, for different reasons. 387 00:20:20,060 --> 00:20:26,730 And, and I think what, what, what religion helped me with or my faith helped me with 388 00:20:26,730 --> 00:20:30,990 and my parents was went to church and, and that was just, just what we did was 389 00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:33,810 it, it, it allowed me at a certain point. 390 00:20:34,205 --> 00:20:38,285 To chart my own path, to develop my own relationship that was 391 00:20:38,325 --> 00:20:39,765 independent of my parents. 392 00:20:40,065 --> 00:20:42,455 And I think that was an important part of my growth. 393 00:20:42,755 --> 00:20:47,005 And I personally, I'm not talking about denomination, I think there's 394 00:20:47,025 --> 00:20:51,880 one God and, and I, you know, Whichever path you want to go through, 395 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:53,390 you, you go through that path. 396 00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:59,180 But I do think, certainly for me personally, that recognizing that there 397 00:20:59,180 --> 00:21:03,450 is a supreme being, that recognizing that we humans are not the end all 398 00:21:03,450 --> 00:21:05,700 to everything sort of gives me hope. 399 00:21:06,245 --> 00:21:10,305 And it's certainly given me hope doing different stages of my life, 400 00:21:10,715 --> 00:21:14,795 you know, and I want my kids to have that same opportunity, you know, 401 00:21:14,835 --> 00:21:19,045 how they use it is how they use it, but it was clearly a benefit for me, 402 00:21:19,335 --> 00:21:21,425 you know, I was not the best kid. 403 00:21:21,425 --> 00:21:24,705 I was, you know, I call them angels. 404 00:21:24,705 --> 00:21:28,195 There were a lot of adults and others who would pull me to the 405 00:21:28,195 --> 00:21:29,955 side and say, what are you doing? 406 00:21:30,405 --> 00:21:32,635 You know, you are, you know, that sort of thing. 407 00:21:32,635 --> 00:21:36,075 Now it's more difficult to do that nowadays, you know, because 408 00:21:36,075 --> 00:21:39,515 of the laws and the rules, but still there are people who will 409 00:21:39,525 --> 00:21:41,975 help you and will help your child. 410 00:21:41,975 --> 00:21:43,515 And there were people who helped me. 411 00:21:43,765 --> 00:21:46,355 And so I think faith is an important part of that. 412 00:21:47,045 --> 00:21:47,415 Mr Rudy: Yes. 413 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:48,390 Okay. 414 00:21:50,030 --> 00:21:50,770 Oh, man. 415 00:21:51,140 --> 00:21:56,440 What a, what a, I, I'm always so energized. 416 00:21:57,140 --> 00:22:02,660 In our conversations and in our last one, which was a month ago. 417 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:07,480 I'm still buzzing about that last one, this one too. 418 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:08,980 So, yeah, just. 419 00:22:09,970 --> 00:22:10,920 Fabulous information. 420 00:22:12,030 --> 00:22:12,190 And 421 00:22:12,190 --> 00:22:14,660 Dr. William T Choctaw: it's, and it's really why I think and like I said, 422 00:22:14,660 --> 00:22:16,520 we'll have Jesse get in touch with you. 423 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,630 Our chief, our production officer. 424 00:22:18,820 --> 00:22:20,690 We can do other things together. 425 00:22:20,930 --> 00:22:23,810 Mr Rudy: Yeah, I, like, even this one right here would be brilliant 426 00:22:23,830 --> 00:22:25,130 for me to send it out to colleagues. 427 00:22:25,130 --> 00:22:26,469 Yeah, yeah. 428 00:22:26,469 --> 00:22:27,640 And such, so 429 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:27,880 Dr. William T Choctaw: yeah. 430 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,870 And you can chop it up and do whatever you want to do. 431 00:22:30,870 --> 00:22:31,964 I'll send it out to you. 432 00:22:31,964 --> 00:22:32,329 Mr Rudy: That's fine. 433 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,160 Because I believe the synergy that we both have off of each 434 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:38,290 other, I think is brilliant. 435 00:22:38,300 --> 00:22:38,720 So 436 00:22:40,020 --> 00:22:42,100 Dr. William T Choctaw: you know, that's one of the things I learned 437 00:22:42,170 --> 00:22:45,920 as I was reading and you know, going through my process of trying to 438 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:49,480 learn and, and, and what they talk about was just, just be yourself. 439 00:22:50,150 --> 00:22:55,160 And, and it's the value of that synergy, as you call it, that that's 440 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,010 most beneficial to most people. 441 00:22:57,070 --> 00:23:01,730 Just two people talking, sharing experiences, you know, and, 442 00:23:01,730 --> 00:23:03,090 and others learn from that. 443 00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:07,360 Just like when I listen to stuff, you know, I can read a book or whatever, 444 00:23:07,630 --> 00:23:11,850 but I want to hear real world stuff, you know, and, and, and that, that's what, 445 00:23:11,900 --> 00:23:14,210 what I, I, what, what benefits the most. 446 00:23:14,210 --> 00:23:15,125 Mr Rudy: Yeah. 447 00:23:15,125 --> 00:23:16,039 Brilliant. 448 00:23:16,620 --> 00:23:16,870 Brilliant. 449 00:23:18,365 --> 00:23:20,785 Now did you have anything written down that you wanted me 450 00:23:21,515 --> 00:23:21,905 Dr. William T Choctaw: to know? 451 00:23:21,945 --> 00:23:24,225 No, no, I, I, I completely go with you. 452 00:23:24,385 --> 00:23:27,625 I, you know, is, is, so I'll, I'll let you, is there anything else you want 453 00:23:27,625 --> 00:23:30,315 to share before we, before we end? 454 00:23:30,315 --> 00:23:33,921 And I, I appreciate you being so patient with us again to do this. 455 00:23:33,921 --> 00:23:34,045 No, 456 00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:35,595 Mr Rudy: no, no, this has been fantastic. 457 00:23:35,595 --> 00:23:39,935 I think the, the only thing, and this just came to me right now is that I, 458 00:23:39,985 --> 00:23:43,785 I would like to, for your audience, I don't know if it's a faith based audience 459 00:23:43,785 --> 00:23:47,975 or it's a mix of both, but especially since we're talking about faith in any 460 00:23:47,985 --> 00:23:53,785 denomination that there is God is, is to be able to say to your audience that, 461 00:23:54,415 --> 00:23:59,565 you know, if call this a prayer, but I'd, I'd like to ask, I'd like to push 462 00:24:00,095 --> 00:24:04,795 to, to say that may, may blessings come upon you may what we're talking about. 463 00:24:05,655 --> 00:24:13,725 Enlighten you and, and that But I pray that that this helps somebody who is 464 00:24:13,725 --> 00:24:18,304 either confused or depressed or even suicidal think like, yeah, you know what? 465 00:24:18,305 --> 00:24:19,615 I can pull myself out of that. 466 00:24:19,645 --> 00:24:24,845 I'll now diligence to, to find out techniques because there are techniques 467 00:24:25,175 --> 00:24:26,555 for yourself out of depression. 468 00:24:26,575 --> 00:24:26,805 Yes. 469 00:24:27,565 --> 00:24:27,795 Yes. 470 00:24:29,185 --> 00:24:33,055 And to be that responsible to, to pull themselves out, you know, I pray 471 00:24:33,055 --> 00:24:38,585 this for your audience in, in, in concluding our our podcast that That 472 00:24:38,595 --> 00:24:40,005 everybody gets that and something. 473 00:24:40,005 --> 00:24:44,175 And if you do, then, and if you're, you're feeling it, then spread the word 474 00:24:44,175 --> 00:24:46,875 and, and with other friends and people. 475 00:24:47,695 --> 00:24:48,745 And to that, I say, amen. 476 00:24:49,595 --> 00:24:49,975 Dr. William T Choctaw: Amen. 477 00:24:50,315 --> 00:24:51,505 I, I say amen also. 478 00:24:51,505 --> 00:24:54,315 I think, I think that's completely appropriate and good. 479 00:24:54,315 --> 00:24:55,555 I think, I think. 480 00:24:56,480 --> 00:25:00,080 One of the things of leadership is to share with others what's 481 00:25:00,100 --> 00:25:01,600 gotten you to where you are. 482 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:05,450 And then they can judge, you know, they can agree or disagree or whatever. 483 00:25:05,730 --> 00:25:11,560 But as always, we thank you for your time and we thank you for your words of wisdom. 484 00:25:11,950 --> 00:25:14,340 And with that you have, you have a blessed day. 485 00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:15,420 Likewise. 486 00:25:15,820 --> 00:25:18,090 Mr Jesse L Hammonds: Thank you for listening to this episode of the healthy, 487 00:25:18,090 --> 00:25:20,440 wealthy, and wise podcast with Dr. 488 00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:21,110 William T. 489 00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:23,250 Choctaw, MD, JD. 490 00:25:23,690 --> 00:25:27,200 Be sure to check out other great episodes covering areas of health, 491 00:25:27,460 --> 00:25:31,790 wealth, and wisdom at thwwp. 492 00:25:31,790 --> 00:25:32,060 com. 493 00:25:32,570 --> 00:25:36,170 And while you're there, be sure to check out the books, blogs, and other 494 00:25:36,170 --> 00:25:38,310 literature in your preferred format. 495 00:25:38,710 --> 00:25:41,350 And don't forget to leave a review, subscribe. 496 00:25:41,780 --> 00:25:42,230 Share 497 00:25:42,410 --> 00:25:43,130 Dr. William T Choctaw: and support the 498 00:25:43,130 --> 00:25:43,940 Mr Jesse L Hammonds: podcast. 499 00:25:44,210 --> 00:25:47,660 That's at t wwp com. 500 00:25:47,990 --> 00:25:53,450 You've been listening to the Healthy, wealthy and Wise Podcast with CHOC m.